


surprise guest

by revoleotion



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Hinted sexual content, M/M, Mention of Eating Disorders, because you know I can't write Asmo without that, set before the game starts, sympathetic Diavolo, that's why Belphie doesn't appear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revoleotion/pseuds/revoleotion
Summary: After Lucifer manages to piss off everyone in the House of Lamentation, the brothers decide to make him shut up for a while by mixing sleeping medicine into his coffee. What they don't know is that there's a surprise guest coming - and that Lucifer has a secret to hide in the attic.This is for Fiona, who sat through me spamming her with dialogue I considered very funny, and who helped me a lot with my take on Diavolo's and Lucifer's relationship! Thanks, love!
Relationships: Diavolo/Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 127





	surprise guest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheGoldenGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoldenGirl/gifts).



There was no way around saying it, not that Satan was the kind of person to avoid speaking the truth anyway. It would be a lie to say that this didn’t give him some kind of satisfaction, sitting in his favorite corner of the kitchen table, stirring his tea and making eye contact with Asmodeus. The Avatar of Lust smiled back before taking a sip of his black coffee. 

“This has gone for far too long,” Satan said. Even Beel’s face turned around, Asmodeus kept up the eye contact and Levi looked up from his handheld console. 

“Hey, I gave that book  _ back _ ,” Mammon said. He was hanging upside down again, his face slightly redder than usual. The demon brothers had even tried to get him down but Lucifer had made sure only he could break that spell. And it would probably be another few hours until he showed up in the House of Lamentation, he really wanted Mammon to suffer. The only problem was that nobody had an idea about what Mammon had done. If Satan was honest, he didn’t pay much attention to his brothers, apart from Levi and Asmodeus perhaps because they held up a semi-functional book club. But he was sure that a punishment like this had to have some sort of reason, and he couldn’t think of any. At all. 

“I will excuse your stupidity because you’re currently in a rather awkward situation, Mammon, but I am not talking about that book. Which you returned one week late, if I may remind you.”

“You may not,” Mammon said. 

Satan wasn’t even surprised about that reply. 

“Okay. Lucifer is out of control. And before Asmodeus crawls up his ass again, he made you cry last night.”

“You even missed dinner!” Beel commented. 

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say that wasn’t Lucifer’s fault,” Satan muttered under his breath. 

“Just shut up, will you?” Asmodeus asked, a lot louder and a lot higher pitched than usual. He clung into his coffee like his life depended on it, his breath shaky and his eyes glued to the table. “Just shut up and mind your business.”

Satan wasn’t a good person. But something in his chest tightened when he looked at Asmodeus, and he suddenly wanted to fix something instead of always looking away. He tried an apologetic smile which his brother returned after a few seconds. 

“But what can we do about Lucifer? Killing him can’t be an option,” Asmodeus said quietly. 

“No, I don’t want to kill him… yet. But he can’t keep going like this. It’s been what, four days?”

“And he keeps yelling at us for no reason,” Levi muttered. “I want a break.”

“Which is precisely what I am about to offer you!” Satan grinned and reached into his pocket. Beel followed the movement with his eyes, a hungry expression on his face as Satan revealed a vial with bright green liquid. 

“Uh,” Asmodeus said. 

“I thought we voted against murder,” Mammon said. “That looks very deadly to me.”

Levi shook his head and sat up straighter. Satan recognized the look on his face immediately, Levi was going to give them the greatest gift of his neurodivergence - a long ramble. 

“It’s not poison, it’s sleeping medicine. Actually, it seems to be the best out there, how did you get this?”

“I kind of figured I was going to need it one day. It’s always been my fantasy to have one day to myself, no annoying people involved.”

“Did he just call us annoying? The blood is kind of rushinʼ to my head at this point,” Mammon asked from his corner. 

“He did,” Levi assured him. “But please don’t poison us, you can have my earphones instead. Perfect noise blocking. Actually, the company is famous for their-”

“Hold that thought,” Asmodeus interrupted him. “Satan, you can’t possibly suggest that we poison Lucifer. The Lucifer. He would never forgive us.”

“He’s never going to forgive me for existing anyway, Asmo, do you really think this will make a difference?”

“Well, yes?”

“Your opinion is noted. Who else is with me?”

Beel slowly raised his arm. Levi bit his lip, sighed and joined him. 

“Count me in,” Mammon said. 

“I’m sorry, Asmo,” Satan muttered. 

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I am not,” he agreed. “Quick heads up, you’re going to be the one giving this drink to him. Don’t be suspicious.”

Asmodeus’ face turned a few shades lighter. 

“I can’t do this!” he protested and held his hands up, something Satan grew to recognize as a nervous tic. 

“If you really love him, you want what’s best for him, don’t you?”

“I-I do but--”

“I’m so glad we agree. Tomorrow morning. Breakfast. If it doesn’t work I will personally take care of him with a baseball bat.”

Asmodeus slowly put his hands down and reached over the table to grab a toast from Beel’s already overflowing plate. Satan had the feeling he only started nibbling on it so he wouldn’t say anything he’d regret. 

Good. 

“If anyone needs me, don’t even bother knocking. I will finally start playing Detroit: Become Human and I won’t be interrupted.” Levi stood up, finished his orange juice and put the glass down again. 

“Don’t bother putting your stuff away, I’ll do that,” Beel said. Lucifer had assigned him the dishes for all eternity because Beel had the habit of eating the food he was supposed to prepare for his brothers. 

“Thanks!” 

Levi smiled awkwardly, grabbed his headphones and left. 

Satan could feel a shift in the atmosphere, like the morons/normal person ratio had suddenly changed. As much as he hated Lucifer, he wasn’t as stupid as Mammon or Beel or Asmodeus. Not that Satan considered either of them unintelligent, their urges just took over their brain way too many times. Out of all the brothers, he probably hated Levi least because Levi knew how to stay away. And he hadn’t suggested a filthy smut novel for the book club, that was a bonus. 

“Alright, that’s it, I’ll be in my room.” Asmodeus had finished his toast and the coffee and looked at Satan. 

“What?” Satan asked. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sure, uh, when’s the next meeting again?”

“Friday. If you can make it.”

“Ah. Okay. Good.”

“Are you really okay?” Satan wasn’t even sure why he was asking. He did not like Asmodeus. He was too impulsive, too horny, too weird for his liking. Nothing Asmodeus liked or did matched Satan’s taste. He wasn’t uncivilized but definitely not cultured enough. 

Asmodeus tilted his head, a sad smile on his face. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shook his head. 

“I will be alright, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Worry?” Satan almost rolled his eyes but he figured Asmodeus might start crying if he did that. Fragile, that was all he could think looking at a demon who was spiraling, who really and in all honesty thought he was worth nothing outside of his own appearance. “Don’t turn into another Lucifer. We can’t solve your problems for you but that doesn’t mean you’re alone with them.”

Asmodeus nodded absentmindedly, his eyes unusually glossy. If he started crying now, Satan would pretend like he didn’t know him. But he didn’t cry, he just fidgeted with his hands for a bit, then he went for the exit. 

“Touching,” Mammon commented. 

“Have you ever considered suicide?” Satan asked in the friendliest way possible. 

“That’s rough, even for you. But you will stay with me, right? I don’t want to be alone. I don’t feel so good.”

Satan rolled his eyes. “Mammon, you’re a demon. You’re not going to die. Maybe Beel will stay with you.”

“I can do that. I wanted to eat some more, anyway.”

“A match made in heaven,” Satan said and got up. With every step he made towards his room, he felt the weird feeling in his chest easing up. He had been angry, he realized, angry at the world for making him feel empathy, angry at Lucifer, angry at about anything. 

But this was nothing a good book couldn’t fix. 

* * *

Asmodeus entered the kitchen again for dinner, mostly because he wanted to convince Satan to blow off that entire plan. Sure, Lucifer had yelled at him for two hours for leaving his hairbrush in the shared bathroom instead of taking it back into his room - but that was just how Lucifer was. It was obvious that Lucifer was beyond stressed, and if Asmodeus provided an outlet right now, that was okay. 

“Asmo!” Levi, obviously on cooking duty, waved at him and pointed at a cupboard. “We still need cups, if you mind?”

“Not at all,” Asmodeus said and turned his head to count how many of them were there. Mammon had been released and was now sitting in his favorite seat. Beel was right next to him and threw impatient glances in Levi’s direction. Satan hid behind a book. No Lucifer to be seen. 

Asmodeus put the cups onto the table and sat down on the bench. 

“You did something to your hair,” Beel said. 

Asmodeus tried his best not to blush. Sure, he had spent two hours trying that hairstyle but he appreciated the compliment anyway. 

“Thank you, that’s so sweet!”

“Careful, it’s hot. Hot hot. Put your hands away!” As per usual, cooking duty involved the normal quantity of food and then the food for Beel. The student housing included the normal kitchen and then the slightly magic part that allowed cooking the amounts of food Beel needed. 

“That smells… nice,” Asmodeus said when Levi placed a pan on the table. It looked a little odd, to be honest, corn with enough cheese on top of it to feed several families. 

“I saw it on that new human app, Tikt-”

“Don’t,” Satan said softly. 

Levi stopped talking and turned to the stove to get Beel’s pan. 

“Thanks,” Beel managed before attacking the pan like he hadn’t been fed in days. 

The others filled their plate a little bit slower. Asmodeus waited until the others had taken something as well, then he grabbed his chopsticks and tried it. 

It was sweet but not bad. Whenever it was Levi’s turn to cook, he tried a recipe from the internet. The results varied from “okay” to “terrible” to “acceptable”. This time it may be acceptable. 

“So, Lucifer let you down?” Asmodeus asked Mammon after swallowing the food. 

“He stepped by earlier, yelled at Satan for dog-earing his book and then left again,” Levi said. “Do you like the food?”

“It’s okay,” Satan said. Now that Asmodeus looked closer, the demon looked a little more pissed than usual. “Who does he think he is. It’s my book! It’s not like anyone is going to visit my room and review the quality of my books!”

“Yeah, that really was something,” Mammon muttered. “The way he yelled at Satan was incredible. I’m surprised you didn’t hear it in your room.”

“I did. All of it. The worst part was that he is so sleep-deprived that he forgot why he was yelling halfway through and just stormed off,” Levi said. 

“Yikes,” Asmodeus said. This was bad. “Now I feel bad for suggesting that we stop this.”

“Stop this? We haven’t even started yet, coward,” Satan hissed. “Do you really want him to--”

* * *

“Just a quick question,” a voice floated into the kitchen, “How many times do you want to prove to me that you are a bunch of morons?”

Satan didn’t need to turn his head to know that this was Lucifer at his worst but he did it anyway. The Avatar of Pride stood in the entrance, his hair a mess, his hands grabbing a bottle of wine so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Overall, pretty scary but also slightly out of it, like he was going to go feral any second. Satan was surprised that he did not enjoy the view as much as he thought he would. 

“Excuse me?” he asked because the others spontaneously turned mute. 

“You’re making a mess! Why can’t you do normal dinner for once?” Lucifer hissed. “Who did this?”

Satan looked around, ready and willing to throw Levi under the bus if he wasn’t going to tell Lucifer himself. But Levi surprised him by raising one shaking hand. 

Lucifer inhaled. Levi curled his hands to fists and waited for whatever would come now. 

And Satan didn’t even like Levi. He just didn’t hate him. But it was devastating to see him shrinking with every word Lucifer yelled at him. Beel was the only one who still dared to eat, Asmodeus stared like he had forgotten how to breathe, Mammon was frozen mid-motion, chopsticks floating in the air. 

“And of course nobody will clean this up, you all never think about the consequences of your actions…”

Satan officially felt bad for Levi. He looked over to the others but none of them had the balls to interrupt Lucifer. Did he really care? Did he care for an awkward weeb, enough to save him from Lucifer?

“Okay, we got it,” he heard himself saying. “We’re going to clean up. Shut up.”

Lucifer stopped talking immediately and slowly turned his head to him. Satan wasn’t scared. He was… angry. Because Levi looked like he was about to cry. Asmodeus was shivering. Mammon looked like he had to held back his laughter. Beel was still eating. 

“Excuse me?” Lucifer whispered. 

“Apology accepted. Leave Levi alone, this clearly isn’t about him. When was the last time Beel did a bad job at cleaning the kitchen? It’s not like we’ll have someone inspecting the entire dorm tomorrow.”

Lucifer flinched. He made a step back. 

“Finish your meal, I’m going to clean up today. Apparently this is the only way to have everything up to my standards.”

“Have fun with that,” Satan hissed. “If you don’t mind, we’re trying to enjoy this. Which is something that is rarely possible with you around.”

“Satan!” Asmodeus said quietly. 

Nobody said a word, not even Lucifer. He left the kitchen, causing everyone to relax a little. 

“So, we’re doing this,” Asmodeus said, his voice so shaky that Satan feared the entire table would burst into tears soon. 

“We’re doing this,” he confirmed. 

* * *

When you are tired, really tired, the kind of tired that eats you up and makes your environment turn pitch-black every few minutes, you accept any coffee you are offered. 

Lucifer sipped the black coffee, the way Asmodeus and him liked it the most, and looked around the kitchen. He could feel the aura of hurt energy like it was actually visible. Only Satan seemed unaffected, he sat on his chair like the room belonged to him. 

“I need to tell you something,” Lucifer said and emptied half of the cup in one sip. Asmodeus gasped quietly and put a hand to his mouth. 

“You're not going to die, Asmo, control yourself,” he said. 

Asmodeus nodded silently, dropped his hands and started fidgeting with them. Lucifer looked over to Levi who suddenly seemed very interested in his bowl of cereal. 

“I have been a little… more on edge than usual. I originally thought telling you would be unwise but now I realized that keeping you in the dark was rude and unfair of me,” Lucifer continued. “Truth is, I've been told that Lord Diavolo will inspect this dorm today. He wants to have an idea of how you all behave, and how we keep this house clean.” 

Asmodeus pressed a hand to his mouth again and swallowed desperately like he had to keep his food in. Levi seemed to notice because he put a hand on his arm until Asmodeus had calmed down. Lucifer finished his coffee and raised an eyebrow when the Avatar of Lust whimpered. 

“What's wrong with you?” he asked. 

“We were just trying to help,” Asmodeus choked out. He was shaking so badly that Levi put a hand onto his arm again. 

Darkness again, until Lucifer reminded himself that he had to breathe. 

“What did you do?” he asked hoarsely. 

Asmodeus didn't seem to be able to talk. Levi just stared at him. Beel kept his mouth full, so he didn't have to talk. 

“It was Satan's idea!” Mammon blurted out. 

Lucifer's heart stopped, then started beating so quickly that he feared it was going to jump out of his chest. This couldn't be good. Satan wanted him dead. Satan wanted him gone. 

“Sleeping medicine,” Satan said and Lucifer was satisfied to hear the fear in his voice. “But I didn't expect it to hit that hard.”

“To be fair, we wasn't sure about the dosage,” Mammon commented. 

Lucifer's stomach dropped. His head started spinning. Those morons couldn't do it on their own. If Diavolo found out about the attic, if he found out about Belphie… 

“When I wake up, I will kill you,” he whispered. 

“Sure you will,” Satan said, his voice something between amused and nervous. “Now sleep well.”

It wasn't like Lucifer had a choice. He could feel reality slipping away from him, he wasn't even sure if he still had time to leave the room. Asmodeus had gotten up and moved closer to him. 

“We’re so sorry,” the Avatar of Lust said. 

It was the last thing Lucifer heard, and it wasn't comforting at all.

* * *

Levi had volunteered to watch Lucifer in his sleep, mostly because he wasn’t too keen on having to do more social interaction. He already did enough during those last few days. The only downside was that he couldn’t continue his video game, he had to read whatever mangas Asmodeus had gotten from his room. 

He looked so scared, so distraught, that Levi even offered a hug for bringing by the mangas. Asmodeus accepted but flinched when he accidentally looked at Lucifer. 

“What if we killed him,” he whispered. “What if Satan is right?”

“Satan is never right,” Levi reminded him. 

Asmodeus smiled a little but at least he looked calmer than before as he rushed out of the bedroom. It was one of the first times for Levi to enter that room and it felt like he was trespassing. The room was dark, the bed way too large for Lucifer. 

Perhaps the comically large bed was the reason for Lucifer looking this unusual in his sleep. Relaxed, curled up into a tiny ball, his black hair falling into his face. Levi was supposed to get up every few minutes to check if he was still breathing, so whenever Lucifer stirred in his sleep, he was glad for the life-signal. 

Asmodeus had done his best but the mangas weren’t in order, not even from the same series. He made it through two human mangas, one about vampires, one about demons and exorcists, then he gave up and decided to play with his phone instead. 

Whatever boredom he’d have to deal with, Levi figured as he collected the log-in bonus of his favorite dating simulator, this wasn’t half as bad as what his brothers had to endure. 

* * *

The most annoying thing about having to act nice in front of your arch-nemesis’ boss was that Satan had no issues doing it. Lord Diavolo was a nice man, nice enough to make Satan smile and say things like, “Did you have a nice trip, Sir?”. 

“I did,” Diavolo confirmed. “Is Lucifer here?”

“He’s not dead,” Satan said the dumbest thing he could think of. 

“That's nice to hear,” Diavolo said. 

A pause. Satan wasn't sure what to make of the man's expression, the light behind his eyes that was more than just optimism. It may be the first time Satan truly realized that Diavolo wasn't to be messed with. If the mere thought of Lucifer being hurt made him this much of a threat, Satan did not want to know what happened when this really was the case. 

“Hello Lord Diavolo, sir,” Asmodeus joined them. He offered Diavolo a hand but it was shaking so much that he pulled back before the demon prince could reach for it. 

“Good day, Asmodeus,” Diavolo greeted him. Despite the smile, he didn't lose the danger behind his eyes. “Would you happen to know what happened to Lucifer?” 

Technically, Satan could blame this on Asmodeus alone. Asmodeus wouldn't be able to do anything against it. But he couldn't to it. Not when Asmodeus' skinny frame stood in the hallway, shaking, and full of problems Satan had never wanted to deal with. 

“He's asleep,” Asmodeus said. “We- we didn't know you'd come, so we gave him something.” 

“And we overdosed,” Satan added for good measure. “We're currently taking bets on if he will die or not. I'm going with yes. Mammon put quite a fortune into this, Levi bet his goldfish, it's going to be interesting.”

“For  _ fuck's sake _ ,” Asmodeus hissed, suddenly a lot angrier than Satan had ever seen him. “This isn't-” 

Diavolo reached into his pocket and pulled out a few grim, a piece of gum and something that looked like a  _ Star Wars _ key-chain. 

“Is that enough?” he asked. 

“Absolutely. What's your bet?” Satan asked back and took the items from him. 

“He's going to live but I'll set up the new shelf before I wake him up.” Diavolo smiled, a little more genuine now. “If that's okay.” 

Satan raised an eyebrow. Was that cheating? Probably. But this was Diavolo, so he kept his mouth shut. 

“Did you say shelf?” Asmodeus asked quietly. “He told us you'd inspect the dorm.” 

“Why would I- oh.” Diavolo made a worried face, pushed his hands into the pockets of his coat and chuckled. He had a nice laugh, and his yellow eyes turned a few shades darker when he did it. 

“Please correct me if I'm wrong but let me assess the situation here. I told Lucifer I'd come to put up a new bookshelf because I didn't want you students to pay for anything in a dorm. He took it as something else and got stressed over it.” 

“I wouldn't say stressed, he was a menace,” Mammon's voice said from behind Asmodeus. “Did you participate in the bet yet, sir?” 

“I did. Good morning, Mammon.” 

Mammon smiled and nodded. He definitely cared more about the bet than about Lucifer, that was for sure. Or did he? Satan had always suspected that Lucifer only went hard on Mammon because he cared for him. 

“I cleaned my room for this and you want to set up a shelf?” Mammon asked. 

“Would it make you feel better if I took a look at your room and rated how clean it is?” Diavolo asked. 

“Yes.” 

“I wish you a nice day but I have to be somewhere else,” Asmodeus mumbled, voice barely audible. “You don't have to look at my room.” 

“Will you be back by afternoon? Barbatos made cookies, I'd love to share them with you once I'm finished.” 

Satan didn't dare to look at Asmodeus' expression but he could imagine it very well. 

“No, probably not. Sorry,” Asmodeus answered, voice too cheerful to be honest. 

“Oh. What a shame. I would've loved to share those with you. Is there no way to persuade you to reconsider?” 

This time Satan couldn't ignore his curiosity. He turned, to find Asmodeus frozen in his nervous pose, hands raised. Him and Diavolo stared at each other for a few seconds, then Asmodeus gave up. 

“I-I suppose I could. I'll tell Solomon.” 

He disappeared behind his phone. Satan wasn't sure if he imagined it but he felt like Diavolo looked very proud of himself. 

The demon had to know where the common room was but he still asked Satan to show him the way. Satan could feel the demon's eyes on him during the entire time they walked there, and even though Diavolo didn't say anything, Satan had the feeling that he knew his every thought. 

Just before Diavolo could start with setting up the shelf, and right before Satan could safely escape, the demon turned to him. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“I'm terrible with manual labor,” Satan blurred out. 

Diavolo chuckled. 

“I'm not going to ask for your help. That defies the purpose. This operation was your idea, wasn't it?” 

Diavolo could tell when someone was lying. It was a combination of his demon powers and incredible high empathy. That's why Satan did  _ not _ like talking to him, especially not about Lucifer. 

“Asmodeus was the one who did it,” Satan said. Not a lie. 

“But he didn't want to, didn't he?” 

Shit. 

Satan shrugged. 

“Lucifer is very important to me.” There was something to Diavolo's voice that Satan wasn't sure how to take. His hair seemed to be darker, his eyes had reached enough intensity to compete with an exploding star. At the same time, there was weakness to Diavolo, his empathy, his soft spot for the fallen angel. He was nothing like Satan, and looking at him was like coming to realize that multiple universes existed. 

“We weren't trying to kill him. I couldn't do that,” Satan said. Because it was true. And because he didn't want to be murdered on the spot. 

Diavolo's expression softened. 

“That's good to hear. I'm happy you look out for each other. You don't have to stick around if you want to.” 

Satan had never been so glad to leave a room. 

* * *

He woke up to fingers stroking the back of his hand. For a moment, just a moment, Lucifer felt content, like this was fine and he had nothing else to worry about in life than inhaling Diavolo's scent. Nothing else had ever mattered. Diavolo was with him, his head felt a little less heavy and everything was alright. 

This moment lasted for around three seconds. 

He forced his eyelids to lift up and reveal his environment to him. His room was dark, he was in his bed, in the same position he always woke up in. But he wasn't alone. 

“Hello there,” Diavolo said. 

Lucifer gave himself three more seconds before he turned his attention to him. He was glad that the demon prince wasn't smiling because Lucifer wasn't prepared for humiliation yet. Not that he didn't feel it, his throat was already burning with it. 

“I'm glad you're awake,” Diavolo continued. “It took me a while to lift that spell.” 

“You didn't kiss me, didn't you?” Lucifer whispered. 

“Would you want me to?” 

Lucifer caught himself nodding before he could truly think about it. Diavolo leaned closer, smiled and pressed his lips to Lucifer's forehead. The spot where he touched Lucifer tickled for a while, even when Diavolo had long leaned back. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “We were a little worried.” 

This was worse than making fun of him, Lucifer decided. He didn't need his siblings' worry and from Diavolo it was even worse. 

“What time is it? I'm so sorry. They poisoned me-” The words didn't come out right. Lucifer decided to stop before it got worse and sat up in his bed. Everything was still a little odd, the sleepiness hadn't disappeared yet. 

“You're right on time for tea time! Barbatos gave me cookies to share.”

Lucifer tried not to let his emotions show. He had a… special relationship with Barbatos. The powerful demon hadn't really done anything, it just hurt him that Diavolo valued his cooking skills over Lucifer's. Lucifer wasn't  _ bad _ at cooking. Solomon was significantly worse. So was Beel because he ate the ingredients before even starting to cook. 

“I see,” he said. 

“But if you want to sleep some more-” 

Lucifer glared at him. Diavolo smiled back like nothing was wrong with his suggestion. 

“I'm fine,” Lucifer hissed and pushed his sheets away. “Oh, will you look at that. Asmodeus didn't even take the opportunity to undress me.” 

“He seemed to be occupied with his own problems for now,” Diavolo said softly. “I suggest you look after him if you can.” 

Was that an order? A reprimand? Lucifer couldn't tell but it made his blood boil. How dare Asmodeus pulling Diavolo into this? 

“I'm not saying this as your superior. I'm saying this as a friend who knows that you worry about your brothers,” Diavolo added like he had read Lucifer's thoughts. Perhaps he couldn't control his expressions yet. 

“I take it you can get ready on your own?” Diavolo asked. 

“I don't know, can I? Apparently people have to decide for me at which time I sleep, I might not be able to shower on my own,” Lucifer responded sarcastically. 

“I can assist with that,” Diavolo said. 

“Alright, that's it!” 

Lucifer turned his head to find a very flustered Levi on an armchair next to the bed. He was hiding behind a manga with a green cover so far but the blush reached his neck and his forehead. 

“Have you been here the entire time?” Lucifer asked. 

“Oh yes, he was watching you, in case you stopped breathing,” Diavolo said like this was the most normal thing in the devildom. 

“Don't worry, I'll leave!” Levi collected about five mangas on the ground, pressed them to his chest and started running before Lucifer could throw a pillow at him. 

“So,” he said and forced himself to leave the safe warmth of his bed. “Did you start without me?” 

“The shelf is all done!” There was a hint of pride to Diavolo's voice. 

“You didn't look at anything else?” Lucifer asked quietly. He tried to make his voice sound casual but all he hoped was that Diavolo hadn't taken a step towards the attic. Hiding this from Diavolo was the worst but he couldn't have Belphie killing humans on earth. Still, all noble reasons aside, lying to Diavolo was slowly killing him. 

“I looked at Mammon's room and made him a little post-it note with my signature to appreciate that he cleaned up with me,” Diavolo said. 

“That's it?” 

“Lucifer, Lucifer. You act like you're hiding something from me.” 

He forced the thoughts about Belphie down to a place where not even Diavolo could reach them and put on an embarrassed face. 

“I overheared a conversation of yours the other day,” he admitted. “About Barbatos' cooking. And I tried to bake something but as long as it looks like it gives you food poisoning, I attempted to hide it from you.” 

Sometimes the best way to lie is revealing another secret. It worked, Diavolo seemed surprised but less suspicious. 

“You did that for me?” 

“I did it because I couldn't deal with the thought of Barbatos being better than me,” Lucifer corrected himself. 

Diavolo chuckled. 

And sometimes, the second best way to lie is pretending to be a bad liar. 

“So no corpses in your basement?” Diavolo asked.

“No corpses in the basement,” Lucifer promised. 

“I might check,” Diavolo started as a joke but stopped himself when Lucifer turned away. “Are you okay? You should eat something, how does that sound?” 

“Terrible,” Lucifer said. 

“Do it for me.” 

There was a pause, where Lucifer stared into Diavolo's eyes like he expected to find the secret to the universe inside them. If there was an answer to everything, it had to be in his eyes, that was for sure. And Lucifer had broken his trust. He didn't want to imagine how the starry sky turned into a blazing supernova. 

“Alright.” 

He didn't have to pretend like he felt sick. Whatever the brothers had given him was strong enough to make him feel like he was going to die. When Diavolo supported him with his hand, Lucifer forgot about that very quickly because his brain was occupied with the warm feeling in his back. 

He let his ringers run through his hair and frowned slightly at how sticky it felt. 

“I can shower on my own,” Lucifer said when Diavolo stopped at his bathroom door. 

“I know.” 

They looked at each other and Lucifer suddenly wondered what the years had done to them to make this feel right. There was no use in denying his attraction to Diavolo. What once had been a pact, a pledge to be loyal at all times, had had quickly evolved into something different. Something brighter, not drenched in his sister's blood. No, this was pure, as far as demons went. 

He blamed the years, centuries, with Diavolo on enjoying this. Every secret, every frustration with Diavolo's endless, foolish optimism didn't matter when Lucifer stared at the demon's naked chest. 

“Everything alright?” Diavolo asked and moved closer, until they almost touched each other, battling for the space underneath the shower head. 

“Why shouldn't it be?” 

“You seem distracted.” 

Lucifer made a tiny step closer to him, causing his shoulder to collide with Diavolo's body. The demon prince was taller than him which made Lucifer furious every time he looked down on him. He also was broader than him, although the uniform made it look a lot more extreme than he actually was. Still, Diavolo was a lot to look at, not just because he was naked. Lucifer would never dare to ask but his fingertips yearned to touch his chest, his neck, his face, every area of his skin. He'd love to kiss it too, not the innocent kind Diavolo gave him. 

“Perhaps you distract me,” Lucifer whispered. 

“Is that bad?” Diavolo asked, voice almost inaudible. There the feeling was again, the realization that he had nowhere else to be. That Diavolo's side was his righteous place, not quite his birthright and not quite the path he had wished for himself as an angel. But it was better than anything heaven had ever offered. No feeling an angel had went as deep as the things Diavolo made him feel. Falling had been liberation. 

“Not at all,” Lucifer replied. “As a matter of fact, you are the best distraction I've ever encountered.” 

“That's an honor,” Diavolo said, an amused tone to his words and a smile on his lips. He leaned closer, his eyes so bright that it was impossible to escape them. The kiss tasted like shower water and shampoo but Lucifer wouldn't trade it for anything. 

He fumbled for the faucet to turn off the water, then he put his hands up to Diavolo's shoulders, made himself as tall as he could and let his body do the rest. 

* * *

Diavolo was known for his optimism and for his power. Out of the two things that were the foundation of his reputation, he preferred the optimistic side of him. It was also the thing people criticized about him the most because they assumed that his optimism made him naive. 

But Diavolo wasn't naive. 

He knew something was up, he had suspected it before but it had become obvious that Lucifer was hiding something. He had always hoped that this secret wouldn't destroy things between them, after all his relationship to the former angel was the best thing in his life. Diavolo had spent countless nights with Barbatos, asking his butler for his opinion. He felt like a school girl obsessed with a crush, only that Lucifer's betrayal would do more than breaking his heart. 

Diavolo had prayed - pun very much intended - that whatever secret Lucifer held didn't have to do with him. 

But it did, apparently, in the good way, and Diavolo couldn't be happier about that. 

“So that's what you've been hiding from me,” he casually said as he watched Lucifer getting dressed. 

Lucifer apparently decide to use one of Watzlawick's communication rules,  _ one cannot not communicate _ , and let his silence be the answer. It took him suspiciously long to fix his tie, then he finally dared to look back into Diavolo's eyes. 

“You own me. I am loyal to you, that's not a secret-” 

“Oh, so this falls under the normal activities you do with your boss?” Diavolo asked. It was impossible to ban the amusement from his voice. Of course Lucifer noticed, and he glared at him in response. 

“I can assure you, I do not do this kind of activity with Barbatos,” Diavolo told him. “We talked about it and came to the conclusion that our relationship is purely professional.” 

“Are you accusing me of being unprofessional? I've been  _ poisoned _ ,” Lucifer said loudly. 

Diavolo shook his head. It was astounding how easily Lucifer took things personal. And it always hurt a little, to know that no matter what Diavolo did, Lucifer rather saw him as someone cruel than someone who cared. 

“Then what is it?” There was anger to Lucifer's voice, enough to remember Diavolo where Satan came from. 

Diavolo took a deep breath, looked away and allowed his usual smile to drop. 

“I love you,” he said. No emotions attached. No hidden meaning. Just that. 

Lucifer didn't say anything. For once, he seemed speechless. He smiled sadly, put on his shoes and gestured towards the door. 

Diavolo wished the moment goodbye. When Lucifer lead him back to the kitchen, he was the demon prince everyone knew: optimistic, powerful and perhaps too naive for his own good. 

Before they could enter, Lucifer put a hand on Diavolo’s arm to make him stop. 

“Wait,” he said, dangerously quiet. 

Diavolo stopped and looked at him. Lucifer’s face was still full of sadness, and Diavolo was unable to pinpoint the source of it. 

“How do you know it's love?” the Avatar of Pride asked. 

“You have to trust me on that,” Diavolo replied. 

“I might.” 

Diavolo chose to believe him. Because that was what optimism was about, really. Looking at life and believing that you deserve it. 

* * *

Beel's perfect day had come to a crashing halt. Everything had worked out so far, he had even done smalltalk with Lord Diavolo - but now it turned out that the demon had put a curse onto his cookie jar, making it impossible to open it and try a few of the cookies. 

The others didn't seem like they wanted to help him either. Belphie would've helped. But Belphie was in the human world, and Beel wasn't sure what to do without him now. It was very ambitious to hope for a perfect day, anyway, he thought as he looked at Mammon who was complaining about losing the bet with his brothers. 

“That's why you don't do bets about him dying,” Asmodeus said very loudly. He was the only one who hadn't tried opening the cookie jar yet. 

“Don't feel mighty about being the one who chickened out,” Mammon said. 

“I'm not a coward just because I don't want Lucifer to die!” 

“No, you're just so far up his ass that you fail to notice that he and Diavolo have been making heart eyes at each other for centuries,” Satan said very coldly. Asmodeus glared at him. 

“So what? I'm not striving for exclusive rights?” 

“Because you're a sl-” 

“Don't you  _ dare _ !” What had been mild anger before turned to full wrath when Asmodeus jumped up and transformed into his demon form. “I'm not going to take this from a stuck-up virgin who thinks he's better than everyone else.” 

“I don't think I'm better than everyone else. I know I'm better than everyone else,” Satan said, surprisingly calm but Beel had noticed he was digging his nails into the table. Asmodeus wasn't the strongest of the brothers but he could deal some damage. 

“You fucking hypocrite. I've seen your thoughts,” Asmodeus said. His voice was a lot quieter now, and a lot more dangerous. For the first time, Satan looked scared. 

Right on time, the kitchen door opened and two demons entered. Beel wasn't able to read Diavolo's expression, he smiled but there was danger in his yellow eyes. As for Lucifer, he just seemed perplexed that Mammon wasn't the one to create chaos for once. He looked at Satan on the table and Asmodeus hovering over him. The Avatar of Pride took a deep breath, surrendered to the situation and turned his head to Diavolo.

“Alright, what are you doing?” the demon prince asked politely. 

“Satan here thinks it's a good idea to slut-shame people,” Asmodeus hissed. 

“So you admit that you're a slut?” Satan asked with a slight smile that disappeared immediately when Diavolo turned his attention to him. 

“Sorry, sir,” Satan added. 

“I may be mistaken but I don't think I'm the person you should apologize to,” Diavolo said, face smiling but a tint of threat to his voice. 

Beel started to enjoy this. Belphie would love that kind of drama, and while Beel definitely was a lot more non-confrontational, he still liked a good fight. 

“Sorry for calling you a slut, Asmo,” Satan mumbled. 

“Sorry for calling you a virgin,” Asmodeus said, equally quietly. Beel could've sworn that Mammon whispered, “But he was right” but when he turned to him, Mammon only smiled. 

Asmodeus sat down again, his appearance back to normal. 

“Can we start eating now?” Beel asked. 

The smile Diavolo gave him was a little more honest than the ones before, an obvious thank you for changing the topic. He had to do more than a smile, Beel thought. He might have to start with the cookies. 

Perhaps he was able to read Beel's thoughts or it was just that obvious but Diavolo finally lifted the curse on the cookie jar. Beel lunged forward and grabbed it, reached into it and pulled out a handful of cookies - just to spit out his first bite. 

“Why are they  _ spicy _ ?” 

Lucifer took a cookie, a lot more carefully than Beel had done. He didn't even bother taking a bite, he shoved the entire abomination into his mouth and smiled while he chewed. 

“It can't be that spicy,” Mammon said. He made a point of swallowing his first bite but his cheeks turned red and he didn't finish his cookie. 

Beel couldn't believe it. How could you just  _ ruin _ cookies like this? He enjoyed a good spicy meal but spicy desserts were not okay. Not okay at all. 

He crossed his arms and glared at Lucifer who smiled back and continued eating. 

“I dare you to eat one of those,” Satan whispered to Asmodeus. 

“Go fuck yourself,” Asmodeus said with his special smile that made it look like he was sending hearts into the air. 

“Are you scared?” 

“Scared that something too spicy ruins my very precious organs? Yes. Why don't you try it?” 

Satan opened his mouth to say something, reconsidered it and reached into the jar. 

“Just one?” Asmodeus teased him. 

Satan took a second one and tossed it at the Avatar of Lust. Asmodeus shrieked but caught it, obviously unsure what to do with it. 

Levi was munching his cookie in his corner without saying anything. He didn't look like he was enjoying it but at least he was polite enough to finish. It looked like the only ones who truly enjoyed them were Diavolo and Lucifer. 

“I uh,” Satan started and managed to look at Asmodeus and avoid his eyes at the same time. “I hid some cupcakes from Beel, do you want to share them with me?” 

“You did what.” 

“Shut up, Beel,” Satan hissed. 

Asmodeus bit his lip, looked at the spicy cookies and nodded. 

“Yes, thank you. I'd like that.” 

Something the angels next door didn't understand, and Asmodeus' pet human didn't understand either, was that the brothers didn't hate each other. They fought, yes, but there was nothing Satan wouldn't do to protect Asmodeus. And Asmodeus would probably murder his way through hell to make sure Satan was okay. They just had a hard way of showing this. 

Or it was their history, too many small fights, too much bitterness. But that made the soft moments worth even more, Beel thought, and prepared himself to steal as many cupcakes as possible. 

* * *

The Fantastic Three, 00:05

Lucifer   
**You left your gloves in my room.**

Lord Diavolo   
**Right, I noticed earlier.** **  
** **Thank you.**

Lucifer   
**Do you want me to bring them to you?**

Lord Diavolo   
**It's late. Don't bother with it. I'll have Barbatos pick them up tomorrow.**

Lucifer   
**Alright. Sleep well. Thank you for the cookies, Barbatos.**

Barbatos   
**You are very welcome. I can bring more of them tomorrow.**

Lucifer   
**Thank you. I see you then.**

Diavolo   
**Go to sleep, love.**

Lucifer   
**I slept all day.**

Diavolo   
**No excuses.**

Lucifer   
**[sticker]**

Barbatos    
**[sticker]**

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long and also made me realize that I will never have the patience to finish a novel. Ever. (But, who knows, maybe taking baby steps and making an actual plan for it might work. I'm not giving up yet.)  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my take at all the brothers who I could fit into this. This made me like Satan a lot more and also realize i can't imitate Mammon's speech pattern for shit.  
> \- ben (but please call me Eli if you feel like it)


End file.
